The results of the Grim Gym Survey are in! We’ve asked our Facebook followers and email club to tell us the truth about the gym! Some of it’s shocking, some of it’s well, not shocking, and some of it makes us wonder about the future of the human race.
With a lot of flatulence, a little bit of perving and a fair whack of sexual appetite, the gym seems to be a place of rather strange, yet not completely unexpected behaviour.
First thing’s first though, let’s look at how the gym going public use Google.
Did they really Google that?
Before we got down to the nitty gritty, we wanted to know what really drove people to workout. So to do that, we asked “What is the strangest thing you’ve ever Googled about working out?” . Some of the answers, were, well, odd, but there were definite themes to pick up on.
Sex and penis size were very common, with searches including, “How to get rid of the fat above your dick” and “Does sex before a workout affect your workout?”. There was also a common thread around special alone time, with many people asking such things as “Does masturbation stop gains?”
It wasn’t all past the 9pm watershed though. But that doesn’t mean it was particularly nice. The toilet also popped up a fair bit, with, “Is it better to poo before or after working out?” proving itself as a particular highlight.
Now that question may seem a bit silly, but some were downright bereft of brainpower altogether. “Is there an exercise or supplement that will make you taller, “When is the best time to take a pre-workout” and “How much chicken can you eat in a day?” all making us wonder just what the state of the British education system is!
Finally, to the one chap who searched “What is the protein content in badger?”
The shocking (and smelly) truth
We asked the very simple question, “Have you ever farted in the gym?” and over 90% of people admitted to having let rip as they try and get ripped!
Bulging biceps over belching bellies
Luckily, what goes out one end, doesn’t seem to come out of the other. Only 11% of people who answered admitted to burping in the gym. Seems we have some manner at least!
Clean and tidy? Pretty much
Just 1% of people admit to being the thing that all gym-goers hate – messy. But that doesn’t mean that everyone is a veritable Mr Muscle. 26.1% of people admit that they clean up after themselves, “Most of the time.” Well done to the 66.8% who always look after their gym, but to the rest, well you could do better.
Not all about sex, apparently
Despite what a large proportion of Google search said, as well as a few of the sordid tales down the bottom of this here article, it seems sex isn’t the be all and end all after all. Neither, is special alone time.
Part of the idea of this survey, was to see if the sexualised image of fitness was something shovelled by brands, or something borne out of reality.
Such a lovely bunch
People can be mean. But they can also be lovely, and if you wanted to have your faith in humanity proven right, then look no further than this set of questions. When asked “Have you ever done something intentionally nasty to another gym goer?” Only 11% of people answered, “Yes”.
It also seems you are rather on the faithful side, with only 4.2% of people admitting to have used the gym as an alibi for some kind of sordid affair. Sadly though, 4.4% of people have had an unfaithful partner, who used the gym as an excuse for their dirty deeds. But still, all things considered, we can put this down as a step in the right direction for humanity.
Not so secret eaters
Seen the memes of people eating a pizza in the gym? Well, they are still in the minority. Only 16% of people admitted to secretly scoffing in the gym.
Running low on Persil?
One of the things that annoys us so much about how fitness is displayed in the media, is that it’s always so clean! New clothes, fashionable clobber and even the sweat seems to look good. So, we wondered if the public ever goes for a jog, a leg session or a Zumba class in gear they can say is less than clean? The answer it seems, is yes.
No sex if you’re smelly
Lacking the hygiene normally associated with a first date, it seems that sex at the gym isn’t really on the cards. Only 5.5% of people have ever had sex while at the gym, though just over 10% say they know someone who has got their end away after a workout.
Gym-goers need nappies!
This one genuinely astounded us. We have read and heard about stories of people losing control of their bowled during a workout. But well over 60% of people have been to the toilet during a workout. And from that, a whopping 26.4% have gone for the smellier of the bodily functions. We’re just glad we weren’t there to see or smell it.
The anecdotal proof
Let’s hear some of your tales of rather rank and nasty goings on at the gym!
I once stopped my friends treadmill while he was at full sprint with the emergency stop button and he broke his ankle!
One time when I was doing some sprints on the stationary bike I watched a guy on the treadmill drink the last drop of water from his bottle then proceed to wipe up the sweat on his neck and face and lick it off his hands…
I eat a LOT of kale, mostly with garlic. This generates the WORST farts you have ever endured, and they strike at random. I’m a 120lb 5″2 made-up, fake hair, fake tan, fake lashes, pretty Barbie doll (I train like a monster, make no mistake). One day I’m training legs, I feel my guts go; the farts have made themselves known. I try so hard to fight them off, I know my efforts are in vain. Should I have eaten the garlic kale? Yeah, it was totally worth it. Farts are coming, there’s no stopping this. I can’t move. Fortunately, they are silent, kinda leak out. There was a relatively large group in my area, so I did the unimaginable. I let the fart out, I had no choice. I waited a few seconds and then scowled at the closest dude to me. He caught whiff, and I could see him questioning himself; “Did I just fart? Doth that stench protrude from mine arse?” Maybe he loved garlic kale too. Anyway, I moved away looking disgusted and continued my workout in a quieter area of the gym and his mates went to town on him for “his” deadly arse. I did feel genuine remorse, but you have to understand, I had no choice. Don’t judge me. Please. It wasn’t intentional 🙁
We wanted to find out if the gym, was grim. It isn’t all bodily fluids, perversion and bad smells, but it isn’t far off. Incontinence is met with faithfulness, and flatulence met with a distinct lack of burping. So the next time you see that image of some scantily clad model in a well lit gym, just remember, it probably isn’t a gym you’ve been to.
If you want to learn more about our survey, or feel like posting it on your site, then drop us a message on social media, or get in touch on email at firstname.lastname@example.org
All information was collected between the dates of 17/3/17 and 23/3/17. The survey was distributed to Supplement Centre’s email list, and to selected demographics on Facebook. The information is to be used confidentially, and we have not shared any email addresses, names or such personal information that could identify an individual.