Gym buddies. They aren’t for everyone, but if you are on the lookout, it’s a good idea to get it right.
Of course, there are some people that it’s obvious you should avoid. Boris Johnson for example would be a terrible choice. You’d turn up at the gym, and then he’d bugger off. Meanwhile Corbyn would simply never leave.
So here’s how to weed the Boris or Jeremy from your gym buddy, and hopefully end up with an Apollo Creed.
Q1: How do you reply to Facebook event invites?
Solid answer. They have made a decision, and presumably will stick to it, same as if they will, or will not turn up to a gym session.
Be wary. They might have made a decision, but they could just be being polite.
Ignore. I’m interested in a lot of things but don’t act on them. Could be flaky or holding out for a better offer.
Q2: Do you own a Casio F-91W or something similar
As quoted in the BBC article on the Casio watch and Al Qaeda, “…unless you hit it with a hammer, it will never stop.”
These watches are cheap, ridiculously reliable and able to put up with all manner of wear and tear. So…
They appreciate father time and will never be late to a workout.
A2) I own a heavy, designer watch.
They might look nice and help the wearer build massive arms because they weigh 87kg. But be wary, watches like this are unreliable, so could cause tardiness.
A3) I don’t own a watch.
They might use their phone for the clock, or just look at the sun. But, frankly, it’s a sign that they are the kind of person who is always late. Move on.
Q3: How much do you rely on motivational memes to get you going for the gym?
A1) I take my motivation from a variety of sources. I know a few memes yeah.
This is the kind of friend you need. Able to motivate themselves, and hopefully you, in different ways, and without a single cliche in sight.
A2) Without them I am lost.
Possibly best to avoid this kind of person. We’re not saying they aren’t motivated, but having someone spout cliche phrases at you mid-set isn’t going to get you going.
A3) I hate them, I just get on with it.
All well and good, but this isn’t going to get you going is it? Move on.
Q4: Is silence golden?
A1) Sometimes. Nice to chat occasionally though.
They guy or gal has the right balance between talking to motivate and discuss gym related goodness, and knowing when to shut the hell up.
A2) I love silence. Why are you talking to me?
Good that they have focus (presumably) and would (once again presumably) want to just get on with it, but it is nice to talk to one another in, or out, of the gym occasionally.
A3) Hate it. Hate it.
Probably a chatterbox or very loud. When trying to concentrate on an overhead press, learning about last night’s episode of Eastenders isn’t going to help.
Q5: What is your spotting like?
Wrong kind of spotting…
A1) Excellent, in fact [tells you example of good spotting]
This is who you want.
A2) Think I have it down, but might need some work.
No one is perfect, needs a bit of work, but they’ll do for now.
A3) Haven’t had acne for a while now.
Q6: Do you like [insert something you really like here]?
This question is to see how likely you are to be friends outside of the gym too. It’s all well and good being besties in the gym, but it’s just as important to have a life outside of the gym. May as well live it together!
A1) Massive fan!
Onto a winner here. Once you’ve finished lifting, you can start laughing about that thing you like. Getting on will make workouts more fun.
A2) Not sure, tell me more?
The potential for the friend connection might not be so high, but there is a chance. Possibly worth taking.
A3) Hate it.
Politicians from opposite sides don’t get on, Ronaldo and Messi fans often have difference of opinion, and that is what you’d be signing up to.
Q7: Do you have a car?
A1) Yeah. Want a lift?
Happy to drive, an excellent logistical resource.
A2) Yeah, it’s a statement car.
A popular phrase on bodybuilding forum, UK Muscle, this possibly means that they don’t own said car, so could end up without it if they don’t keep up with the payments. Such a statement on statement cars is also a sign of shallowness, so the gym thing could well be a phase. Watch out.
A3) No. Can I have a lift?
Whether you give them a lift or not, it’s good to remember that public transport is normally rubbish, so they’ll probably be late.
Q8: How do you take creatine monohydrate?
A1) You need to break it down like this: 4 x 5g servings for 5 days (that’s your loading phase). Then 5g a day for 2-3 months. You can take it any time of the day, and it mixes with pretty much anything!
Befriend them. They know their supplements.
A2) Should say on the label. Or you could Google it. A3) No, but I have put a post on Facebook.
Like when your mum asks “what time does Jones’ Builders close on a Sunday?” when they could have just gone on Google, it’s a little a bit silly.
Q9: What do you think of my gym playlist?
A1) Yeah it’s decent. You should check out mine. A2) I like it. Can I get a copy?
This is good. Your musical taste is similar, which means that if either of you forget your earphones, you can sort the other one out. Having said that, they might just nick all your music, and not bring anything new to the party.
A3) It’s crap.
Nice that they are honest, but they won’t give you new music, won’t be interested in yours and it means you are less likely to have something to chat about outside of the gym.
Q10: Do you think you could carry me after leg day?
A1) I’d try, but hopefully I’d need carrying too. A2) Yeah no problem.
Could imply that they aren’t doing legs, but also implies that they can lift big, which should help you move forward as you carry on.
A3) No. Why bother with legs anyway?
If you need this one explaining, you don’t deserve a gym buddy.
So what does this all mean?
This is the gym buddy for you. They love to lift, have similar interests and are reliable. Your new BFF. The new Apollo Creed.
There’s potential, and there’s faults. If this friend was in your gym Whatsapp group, you’d have a separate one without him/her.
Politely say, “sorry, your application has been declined”, then walk away.